15th October

Yesterday was the 15th of October, which, for us members of the club no one ever wants to be a part of, means Pregnancy & Baby Loss Awareness Day and the end of Pregnancy & Baby Loss Awareness Week (9-15 October, every year).

Yesterday was the first time since I lost my daughter at 24 weeks in 2006 that I had no special plans. No memorial service to go to, not since Sands Wanganui shut down nearly two years ago now. Last year we went over to a friend’s house, a few of us lit our candles for the Global Wave of Light at 7pm and we read some poems and took comfort in the fact that we are not alone, that others know what the pain of losing a child feels like.

This year it was just me and Emma. She put our candles on the deck near the pretty flowers and succulents. I lit the candles and we sat on the deck, holding each other’s hand and watching the flames for a while, thinking about our babies.

10561718_10153295582047846_118781724506868774_nThat club no one ever wants to be a member of I mentioned before? I became a member at Christmas 2002 when my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage and then on 17 August 2006 my baby girl Chloé was born sleeping at 24 weeks. She had severe spina bifida and there was nothing any doctor could do for her.

It’s for my babies I light a candle on the 15th of October every year.

For my babies and all the other babies who die every year.

We Will Remember Them.

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