I have mum guilt.


On Sunday night after dinner I took my children to their dad’s house as he’s having them this week. It’s the new schedule we agreed on (long story I won’t get into).

I stood on the front porch and watched my kids hug their dad they hadn’t seen in a week and we all had a little chat before I got hugs from my babies and went home.

At one point the conversation went like this:

Ex: ‘Aidan, I have a meeting on Tuesday so I can’t take you to your ukulele lesson.’

Aidan, looking at his dad: ‘Maybe Mum could take me?’

Ex: ‘Well, honey, it may just be that when you’re with me and I have a meeting you have to miss out on ukulele.’

Aidan tried to say something else but he got shut down. At no point did the father of my children make eye contact with me. I said nothing, it wasn’t my conversation. I hugged my kids and left.

This morning, I dropped the girls at school and went to find Aidan for a cuddle (I had a bad dream last night, someone made him cry and I woke up needing to hug my little boy).

He asked me if I was taking him to ukulele. I said, ‘No, because dad didn’t ask me to, I’m sorry.’

Now I have guilt.

Mum guilt.

Yes, I want to do what is best for my child but I am done being a doormat for a man who still believes I need a caregiver.

Yes, it’s my child who is suffering in this situation but his father had the perfect opening to ask me to take Aidan to ukulele on Sunday night and he chose NOT to take it. All he had to do was ask and I would have said yes.

But he can’t do that. Because reasons I am not privy to and I won’t pretend to know.

All I know is that he didn’t ask me when he had a chance. He will probably suddenly think to ask when I go to school at 3pm to get the kids but that is way too late. Apparently I don’t deserve the same courtesy than other people.

Now Aidan is sad because he will be missing out on something he loves (just like last year he missed out on soccer practices because his father has a meeting on Tuesday after school and couldn’t be bothered trying to work something out) and I feel horrible.

But I am done offering when he should be asking.


5 thoughts on “I have mum guilt.

  1. That’s a really difficult situation to be in. It sounds to me like you are setting a boundary – which is completely fair. If it’s his dad’s time, then it’s up to his dad to make arrangements, which may or may not include asking you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It is horrible because I know my little boy is the one paying for it, ultimately. I stood my ground 3 weeks ago when his dad demanded we do week on week off (and pretty much threatened to lawyer up if I didn’t agree) and I told him handover would be on Sundays after tea. He didn’t talk to me for a week. Then I stood my ground again on which day the holidays actually started. He didn’t like that either!! Tough.


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