The Morning After the Night Before…

When we left Damon and Natalia they were falling asleep after an eventful night on their second date. This is the next day. ^_^



Damon woke up the next morning and rolled over, surprised to find the other side of the bed empty. He didn’t think she would have sneaked out in the middle of the night, and wondered if maybe she’d gone to the bathroom.

When she didn’t come back after 5 minutes he sighed then sat up, looking around the room, noticing the lack of clothes on the floor. It took him a minute to remember that they’d undressed each other in the kitchen, but her underwear wasn’t on the floor anymore.

That’s when he realised he could hear the shower going.

Not wanting to get his hopes up in case she had indeed left and his flatmate had come home earlier than planned, he got out of bed and pulled some boxers from his drawers and put them on before making his way down the hallway.

One look down the driveway out of the kitchen window told him that it definitely was NOT his flatmate in the shower and with a grin on his face he walked to the bathroom door. He was about to knock but decided to try the handle instead. The door was unlocked so he took it as an invitation to join her.

He walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind him and locking it just in case. She must have heard the door because she turned around and smiled at him.

“Good morning,” she greeted him as she rinsed her hair. Continue reading


What’s the point?

I sat there this morning and started editing an excerpt from a story I’m writing.

Three paragraphs into it, I suddenly stopped and wondered, ‘What’s the point?’

I couldn’t find an answer.

It’s not a fun place in my brain at the moment, I feel like a huge failure as a mum, as a person. My wife keeps telling me I’m awesome but I really really can’t see it.

[I’m sure I was going to expand on this but we went out and I lost my ‘woe is me’ mojo…]

Anyway, we went to knitting group, I made a flower (ran out of wool for the last petal!!) for that tea cosy I’m making for my friend Sara. Then I found out a player I like made it onto the Rugby World Cup team, had a *squeee* and got myself dirty looks from some of the ladies at knitting group (oops!)…

Then we went for lunch and home where my brain was a douche again. Took the kids to netball after school, last game of the year, had to chat with my ex-husband who was sitting on the other side of Miss11 while Mr7 was playing for his team. My wife was on another court watching Miss8 play her game. ^_^

Miss 11’s team is in the final for their grade on Saturday. It’s very exciting.

Oh and of course now Open Office won’t open. Again. I’ll have to reboot my laptop. Again. It’s the second time in as many days.

Not like I need to fix up my CV to apply for that job or anything…


“It’s just attention seeking”

Emma Knits

Dear Readers.

If someone tells you they feel so stuck, so lost, so alone, so completely fucked up that the only solution is to commit suicide PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE take them seriously.

Do not tell them it’s attention seeking.
Do not get mad with them
Do not roll your eyes and ignore it
Do not tell them to stop being sillyDo not tell them to get over it
Do not tell them to go and do something to take their mind off it.

TALK to them.
HUG them.
Tell them you LOVE them.
ASK what you can do for them.
DON’T presume it is all ‘for attention’ brushing it, and them off.

I am not stupid, I know that some people threaten to commit suicide or do something to harm themselves to get attention, but just because they’ve done it once, even ten times before, doesn’t mean they aren’t being…

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Today is the day.

I was driving away from school after dropping the kids off this morning and I got a glimpse at ‘my’ mountain, Mt Taranaki. It looks a bit like this photo I found, but from a lot further away (we live about 2 hours away). I love seeing my mountain, it never fails to make me smile.

I sent my wife a text that said #mountaingasm and she replied #thanksChloé and I felt bad because I had forgotten.

Yes, after thinking about nothing else for weeks, I had forgotten today is my baby girl’s birthday.

I told Emma I’d forgotten and then she felt bad that she’d reminded me (which was NOT what I wanted).

Then the radio started playing ‘Gold Digger’ and I laughed and had to stop on the side of the road to ring my wife because it’s one of her favourite songs. She thought it was hilarious.

Oh and Toyota rang this morning (at 8.15am!) to tell me that it’s NOT the gearbox, so yay, not $1000 we don’t have! It’s a leak that will take about an hour to fix, and $100.

AND the father of my kids transferred $15 into my account to pay for Miss11’s netball outing, which allowed me to put $10 petrol in the car so I can get the kids from school this afternoon. It’s pay day tomorrow and I’ll get the $15 for Miss11 on the way to school in the morning.

At this point I feel the need to thank my dead child…


Mount Taranaki (disclaimer: I did not take this particular photo)

So it’s 9 years today since I lost my little girl and as usual it’s bittersweet. I’m expecting tears at some point today but it’s ok if the tears don’t come.

Happy heavenly birthday baby girl.

Mummy loves you.


Chloé Isobel Rébecca

Roadtrip: success!

We took the 4 kids on a road trip to Napier (3 hours drive). Amazing weekend, really!! ^_^

Emma Knits

... admittedly one of the highlights of our weekend … admittedly one of the highlights of our weekend

Well, our roadtrip was pretty damn successful!  So successful in fact, that the kids all want to move to Napier.  So do we.  Dreams are free, huh.

Rather than giving a hugely detailed account of our trip I thought I’d just post some photos and a general overview… here goes!

We left about lunchtime, got to Napier at 3.30pm and stopped at the Silky Oak Chocolate Company for some afternoon tea (OMG, the 3 hour trip was worth it for the Marshmallow slice!).  We then went into the city and spent some time on Marine Parade before heading up to the Bluff Hill lookout for some… well, looking out!  Bluff Hill was followed by a trip to Mexi Mama for an authentic Mexican dinner.  Well worth the cost, the food was simply delicious!  After dinner we found our way out…

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Reading isn’t writing

but it still beats staring at the wall, right?


I spent most of yesterday re-reading a story Bree wrote a while back, the one about Leah and Jane and Beau.

I love that story just as much as I love the story about Jenna & Lucas.

I did write a little bit on Thursday while we were at the library but nothing very important.

I got a LOT of traffic after I posted about my baby loss and now it’s gone back to normal numbers (around 10 views a day lol). The graph looks depressing but that’s only because I got 107 views the day I posted about Chloé and it kinda blew up my stats.

In RL news, pretty sure the gearbox of my car gave up on life. We had to ring AA (or AAA for you Muricans) to come get us. *sigh* I wonder how much I’d get if I sold a kidney.

And just like that it’s August…

What’s so special about August? you ask.

Before I answer, I’d like to issue a baby loss trigger warning, right here.

As you probably already know if you’ve been following this blog for a while, or had a look around when you found my blog, I have experienced baby loss and I talk about it on occasion. If you don’t want to read about anything to do with that subject or the grief associated with it, this is where you just skip my post. I’ll even put a handy ‘Read More’ cut. Continue reading