Acting on impulse leads to regrets

In case you were wondering what was going on in his head after the last part

He’d had a whole speech prepared on the drive over. He had been standing across the room after Eve left, debating with himself whether he should go over and talk to her when he’d spotted her sneaking out of the venue. He had been in his car following her home before he’s realised he was even doing it.

Yet now that he was sitting across from her in her backyard he couldn’t remember a single word. All he could think about was the feel of her skin under his fingers and the way she used to crave his touch like he craved hers.

He shouldn’t be here.

She was right. He should be out with Eve. His girlfriend. A woman who may well be perfect but whom he realised now was not the one he wanted.

The heart wants what the heart wants, they said and they were right. Still, he felt like a pathetic loser because the woman he was in love with had made it very clear a whole year ago that, while she loved him, she did not want the future he’d been dreaming of sharing with her. He didn’t believe that she’d changed her mind in the year they had spent apart, especially not after the way she’d hidden behind that plant at the party earlier.

And he really did think she was looking amazing.

He was shaken out of his introspection when she suddenly stood up and he looked up at her.

“I’m sorry,” she said, a tremor in her voice. “I can’t do this.”

He sighed and got out of his seat. “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come. I just… I needed to see you.”

He made the mistake of making eye contact with her and felt his heart break a little more when he saw the tears in her eyes. He took the few steps around the table and stopped in front of her just short of wrapping his arms around her.

“I’m sorry,” he told her again as he let his arms drop to his side. He felt like a right idiot again but didn’t feel he had the right to hug her without asking first. “I’ll go.”

She nodded and he took that as his cue to leave. He made it back inside and through the kitchen, down the hallway to the front door, all the while very aware that she was a step behind him. He wondered if she’d lock the door as soon as he’d left to make sure he was really gone.

Just before he opened the door he turned around to take one last look at her. He knew this time it would be the last time. Maybe he could move to a different city, or maybe a different country altogether. That was the only way to be sure they would never again cross paths.

She was standing half a metre away in the dim hallway, hugging herself in that black figure-hugging dress, her eyes shiny with unshed tears, and to him she’d never looked more beautiful, nor more out of reach.

He was trying to decide what to say — ‘good night’ seemed too trivial and ‘have a nice life’ was overly dramatic — when she closed the distance between them and looked up at him. They stood for a second, eyes locked, the few inches between them bristling with tension, on the verge of something.

He wanted to reach across and pull her to him, wipe her tears, wrap his arms around her and hold her safe. He was about to say fuck it and hug her anyway when she put one hand on his chest.

“Could you… could you hold me? Just for a minute,” she whispered and he obliged immediately, wrapping his arms around her as she seemed to melt into his embrace.

She buried her face against his chest and it wasn’t long until the damp from her tears wet the front of his shirt.

While it felt amazing to be holding her again he couldn’t help but feel concerned at the sobs wracking her body. He wasn’t sure what to say so he just rubbed her back gently.

They stayed like that for some time, holding each in the quiet darkness of her foyer; eventually her tears stopped but she didn’t move away. Instead she wrapped her arms around his middle, pressing herself closer.

“Are you going to be ok?” he whispered. He felt her shake her head no against his chest and he held her tighter, resting his cheek briefly on the top of her head, committing her scent to memory. “I know I shouldn’t have come, that was totally selfish and I am sorry. I needed to see you and I didn’t think for a second about how it would make you feel.”

“Well, now you know…” she whispered and he felt like his heart was breaking all over again.

He let his arms drop and hers lingered around him for a moment before she let go as well. He attempted a smile but found he didn’t quite have it in him. Once again he was at a loss as to what to say to her. All the things he could think of were things he couldn’t say. He had to leave before he broke down in front of her and begged her to give them another chance.

“I hope you can forgive me for showing up like this. I really am sorry I upset you. I promise it will never happen again.”

She doesn’t want you, you idiot, so leave before you make a fool of yourself even more!

“What won’t? You showing up on my doorstep or you upsetting me?


The volcano in her belly

*waves* Schoolwork got the better of me, this post has been ready to go for over 10 days but I forgot about it (mad rush to clean the house because my mum was arriving shortly…).



She parked in her driveway, killed the engine and leaned her head back on the headrest with a sigh. While the evening had been a success on a professional level, she felt emotionally exhausted.

Seeing him again had been a shock she hadn’t been prepared for and it had taken it out of her. On top of that she’d had to deal with the repeated unwanted advances of Russell, who still refused to understand that she was not interested in him or his over-inflated bank balance. She deeply regretted going on that one date with the creep two months ago. Continue reading

Half truths and half-hearted apologies…

This part 3 of the new unnamed story with unnamed characters. I am not sure how long it will keep going this way, but I’m at the mercy of the characters and they’re tricky creatures!

Make sure you’ve read part 1 and part 2 first!

Disclaimer: I really wanted the girlfriend to be a horrible bitch, but I failed miserably and she turned out a really nice woman. *sigh* I got feels.


When she noticed his attention wasn’t on the conversation happening in their group anymore Eve looked up to see her boyfriend was looking intently in the direction of a giant pot plant on the edge of the room. She saw a flash of black behind the plant and that was all she needed to understand what was going on.

She put her hand on his arm and gripped him tightly before excusing them from the group and half dragging him away to a less crowded area of the room.

“It’s her, isn’t it?” she asked him as soon as they were away from earshot; she could tell by the look on his face that she was right. Continue reading

The other side of the fence…

Ready for part 2 of this new thing I’ve been writing?
They still don’t have names, but we won’t let that stop us from telling their story!


He told himself not to look for her after they made eye contact over the crowd but the pull was too hard to resist. He hasn’t seen her since the day she’d moved out nearly a year ago.

Continue reading

Have something new…

It’s term 4 and it’s a short one. My stress levels are through the roof, with the amount of work I have to produce in a relatively short amount of time. My mum arrives for a visit on 16 November, which is pretty much when everything for school is due…

In the meantime, here is something I’ve been working on.

The main characters haven’t revealed their names to me yet, just a little part of their story.

Sometimes the past has a funny way of catching up with you… Continue reading

I suck at blogging

Once again it’s been months since I posted something I wrote.

Sure, I reblogged a couple of posts I deemed important but nothing I wrote since the last chapter of Selina and Donovan.

Art school has been taking all my brain power this year. Here is my ‘Like Wallpaper’ painting, each panel is 180cm high and 60cm wide. The silhouettes are  my kids in various poses. ^_^

This semester is worse than the first one and I find that I am not enjoying it much. Art history is a very demanding class, brain-draining speaking. We’re also experimenting with drawing machines in art lab, so I’ve been taping felt pens to a hand mixer and doing marks on paper, also, shooting my son’s NERF guns with ink on the darts…

I have still found little bits of time here and there to write, mainly a new story I’ve been working on, with a couple who just had a baby. They are getting ready for a big move and Kayla has yet to tell her mother… This little bit is rather self-explanatory…


After checking on Maya who, for once, was out to it in her bassinet Kayla went to the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea. She left her mug on the bench when she heard a knock on the door.

She weaved her way through the boxes of assorted kitchen stuff and other possessions they would not be taking with them and made it to the front door as whoever was on the other side knocked impatiently again.

“I’m here,” she said as she opened the door. “Please stop knocking or you’ll wa–Mum!” She felt quite a shock when she realised just who the impatient person was.

“Well? Aren’t you going to let me in?” her mother, Ruth, fired at her before she pushed past Kayla and walked into the house.

Kayla closed the front door and took a deep breath then followed the woman she hadn’t seen in a couple of months. She caught up to her mother in the lounge.

“Would you like a hot drink, Mum?” she asked as she kept walking to the kitchen. She knew from experience they would be having heated words, and she needed to gather her composure.

“Coffee, black, no sugar.”

Like your soul, then…

“Why don’t you come sit down in the kitchen?” Kayla called out, silently adding, while we still have a table and chairs.

Ruth walked in, her eyes moving from box to box, before taking a seat at the table.

Kayla put her mother’s coffee in front of her then sat down with her tea. She didn’t bother getting biscuits out, the last thing she needed was her mother telling her she needed to lose weight, not eat junk food.

She thanked her lucky stars that by some miracle Maya was still asleep and took a sip of her tea to give herself more time to come up with a reason not to have told her about the move yet, other than “you’re bitter and bitchy and you hate my baby daddy and you don’t even know him”.
“So, Mum… How are you? Haven’t you seen you in ages! Keeping busy?”

“Not as busy as you, clearly! What’s the meaning of all this?” Ruth gestured at the chaos. “Please tell me you finally realised he’s no good for you and you’re moving out. If you ask nicely I might let you stay at my house with your bastard child.”


I better get back to my art history timeline because it’s due tomorrow and she wants 4 entries per era (invention/event, design work, fashion garment, art work), from 800 BC to 300 AD and it’s HARD!


While We Sleep: A Warning

I live half a world away and I’m terrified.
I can’t begin to imagine what it’s like to live it.
I read the book 20 years ago and I can’t believe it doesn’t seem all that farfetched anymore…

Drifting Through

Screen Shot 2017-07-09 at 4.54.35 PM“I was asleep before… that’s how we let it happen. They suspended the Constitution. They said it would be temporary.”

This is Offred’s stark warning.

A narration of regret.

Her name’s not really Offred. It’s Jane. Or June. Or something that I can’t remember because her name no longer matters. She is no longer a human with an identity, she is the property of Fred. And she is the main character in Hulu’s series The Handmaid’s Tale, based on the 1985 Margaret Atwood novel.

Offred is a Handmaid in Gilead, the religious fundamentalist reincarnation of the United States. After a terrorist attack and environmental disasters left the republic weakened, a strong-arm theocracy took hold. Patriarchal control was the new order. Women, no longer allowed to work, read, vote or hold property. Children, taken at will from parents who refuse to conform. Traitors, hung along the river, government spies around…

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