I sat there this morning and started editing an excerpt from a story I’m writing.
Three paragraphs into it, I suddenly stopped and wondered, ‘What’s the point?’
I couldn’t find an answer.
It’s not a fun place in my brain at the moment, I feel like a huge failure as a mum, as a person. My wife keeps telling me I’m awesome but I really really can’t see it.
[I’m sure I was going to expand on this but we went out and I lost my ‘woe is me’ mojo…]
Anyway, we went to knitting group, I made a flower (ran out of wool for the last petal!!) for that tea cosy I’m making for my friend Sara. Then I found out a player I like made it onto the Rugby World Cup team, had a *squeee* and got myself dirty looks from some of the ladies at knitting group (oops!)…
Then we went for lunch and home where my brain was a douche again. Took the kids to netball after school, last game of the year, had to chat with my ex-husband who was sitting on the other side of Miss11 while Mr7 was playing for his team. My wife was on another court watching Miss8 play her game. ^_^
Miss 11’s team is in the final for their grade on Saturday. It’s very exciting.
Oh and of course now Open Office won’t open. Again. I’ll have to reboot my laptop. Again. It’s the second time in as many days.
Not like I need to fix up my CV to apply for that job or anything…
I’m still working on that post about baby loss I started. It went in a different direction than originally planned and I’m stuck.
It’s like my brain wants me to write it but doesn’t at the same time.
And since my brain is stuck on that particular post, I can’t write anything else.
We had a lovely weekend away with the kids, did a lot of stuff, got a pic with a hot rugby player after the game we went to on Saturday, had baby cuddles on Sunday at a friend’s house. Now back to real life.
I miss my kids already. I took them to their dad’s on Sunday night. Mr7 was being weird in the car and when I asked him what was wrong he said he was sad because he wanted to keep the nail polish on his nails (bright red — all the kids did their nails at our friend’s house on Sunday, except Miss11 because her school doesn’t allow nail polish) but he knew Dad would yell at him until he took it off and he wanted to keep it on as long as he could but then his friend Max would tease him at school.
I told him that next time he’s home for the weekend, we can do his nails after school on Friday and he can keep it on ALL weekend. I suggested i could buy purple (fave colour) but he said he likes that red.
Still pisses me off that a man who wears a PINK shirt to work (not salmon, actual pink) has an issue with his son liking purple and wanting to wear purple.
Taking Mr7 to ukulele tonight so the mum guilt can STFU and I’m doing it for him, so he doesn’t miss out on something he loves, NOT to help out his father who doesn’t care.
On the weekend I started crocheting a Captain America shield beanie for a 4yo following a pattern my wife found for a Batman beanie (that she made, and it looks awesome). The actual shield design is all me.
It looked too small so I kept increasing my rows, checking for size on the nearly 5yo to make sure. I ended up with a couple of extra rows of red.
It’s not as tight as I’d like it to be but there’s nothing I can do about that. Emma reckons it’s perfectly fine and she loves it.
Last night I started a Hawkeye beanie, following the same pattern but this time using the directions for an adult beanie (instead of a preschooler size one).
I ended up with pretty much the same amount of stitches increase as I did with the preschooler beanie. If I keep following the pattern, I have about 4 rows to do and it will be too short.
Soooooooooo not feeling this beanie thing anymore.
Pissed off I am.
Because on top of today being super cold, this morning I thought, oh, I’ll create an account on my computer for the nearly 5yo so she can play online games without me risking all my stuff.
The Blue Screen Of Death
May the 4th be with you, they said.
Lie to me, they did!!