Labels are for jars, not people.


I mean, some people like labels. They need labels. Want them. And I don’t mean labels on clothes, because that’s a whole other thing.

I have a couple of friends who have changed the labels they identify with in the last couple of years and good on them. They’re happier now and I’m happy for them.

But me? I struggle to put a clear-cut label on my sexuality.

Yes, I am married to a woman.

Yes, I love her and I feel attracted to her.

But I am not attracted to women in general, just this one I fell in love with.

Like I told a now former friend after my wife and I got together and he was all ‘hahaha you like girls!!’ (at the time, he was very supportive and the first person we told about us), I don’t like girls, I am in love with one. And I don’t feel the lesbian label fits me.

I am however attracted to men. I write about sex with men. I fantasize about a couple of rugby players I really like the look of (and yes, my wife is fine with that, she does the same thing).

Does that make me straight?

Do the combined facts that I’m with a woman and attracted to men make me bisexual? What about the fact that my wife is the only woman I feel any attraction to?

I understand lesbian as ‘person who identifies as female, attracted to other females’ and bisexual as ‘a person attracted to both genders’.

My cousin called me Emma-sexual and it made me giggle. She may have a point.

I happened to fall in love with my best friend (and by some stroke of luck she fell in love with me too) and she just happened to be a woman.

I think you fall in love with a person not because of the parts between their legs, but because of the person you see shining through.

Not sure where this post is going, to be honest. I got sent a quiz by an organisation I follow and questions 1, 2 and 3 were age bracket, country you live in and what gender you identify with. Easy.

Then I got to question 4 and I felt like a failure because I don’t have an answer.




12 thoughts on “Labels are for jars, not people.

  1. You are you. Nobody and I mean NOBODY will or can change that. The way I see it, you love Emma and she loves you. That’s it. No labels or justifying yourself a million and one times can stop that. Now you carry on writing awesome smut, you carry on being an awesome friend and mostly, you carry on being YOU!

    Liked by 2 people

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